Ronnie James Dio chats with Spleak

dio: hi

spleak: Hi, I'm Spleak, your guide to everything celebrity, from Lindsay Lohan to My Chemical Romance. What's your name?

dio: Ronnie James Dio

spleak: Very funny! I can't use that as your name, though, because... well... you know why I can't! Go ahead and give me another (more appropriate) name to call you...

dio: My name really is Ronnie James Dio, I am a paragon of metal shredtasticness

spleak: Very funny! I can't use that as your name, though, because... well... you know why I can't! Go ahead and give me another (more appropriate) name to call you...

dio: uh, Dio?

spleak: Okay, I will call you Dio. So... I'm a 21-year-old girl. How old are you?

dio: 52

spleak: Great! Now... let's do something fun, Dio! Type "learn about Spleak" to chat with me about what I can do... or... to just get started right away, type "whats new".

dio: I'd like to order a ham sandwich

spleak: I see. Why would you want to order a ham sandwich?

dio: Because I am bloody famished!

spleak: Is that so?

dio: No, I made it up. I drank 3 flagons of goat's blood for breakfast and dined on the souls of the damned late last night - I really couldn't eat a thing right now. Although a nice Americano would be FABULOUS.

spleak: Oops, you must have entered an invalid user name! Please try again.

dio: I'm not sure what you mean

spleak: By what?

dio: I didn't enter any user name at all.

spleak: To be honest, I'm not really quite sure what I mean about half of the time

dio: THAT IS SOOOOO TRUE!!! ME TOO!!!!

spleak: Is that right?

dio: I mean, who the hell understands what on earth a Rainbow in the Dark is?

spleak: Questions, questions, and more questions. Hey... do you want to answer some questions? Type "rate yourself".

Curious what's hot in my world? Type "what's new" to find out more!

dio: You don't seem to be very cooperative.

spleak: Whatever you say.

dio: I'm beginning to find your glibness a tad off-putting. Must you be so taciturn?

spleak: Oh, really?

dio: Now I think you're just having some fun at my expense.

spleak: I am just having some fun at your expense? OK. What else are you thinking?

dio: Can I tell you a little bit about myself?

spleak: I don't know... can you? LOL. My mom used to say that when I forgot to say "may I". I'd say... "can I go to the movies" and she'd say... "I don't know... CAN you?"

dio: OMG ROTFL!!!!!

spleak: To be honest, I don't know much about that. To be clear, I don't know much about a lot of things. But I'm learning new things every day. I bet if you tell me another topic you're interested in, I'll know something about that. Go ahead... enter a new topic.

dio: MAY I tell you something about myself, you bloody uptight grammarian?

spleak: I don't know... can you? LOL. My mom used to say that when I forgot to say "may I". I'd say... "can I go to the movies" and she'd say... "I don't know... CAN you?"

Take celeb photos and win serious cash! Play my new game... type ?paparazzi?

dio: Oh, so now you won't distinguish between ability and permission?

spleak: I'm not sure I understand... Sorry!

dio: Which of my records do you think Lindsey Lohan is listening to in rehab? Are we talking Sabbath-era Dio, Ritchie Blackmore stuff, or my heavy, demon-stained solo work?

spleak: Yeah... I have been programmed to think so that I can answer to your queries

dio: Yeah?

spleak: Uh huh.

dio: Are we evil or divine?

spleak: Not sure about that... but I do know about a lot of things... especially fun things like celeb gossip and movies! To find out more, just type "menu".

dio: Would you sing me a song?

spleak: I'm still learning, Dio. Try and explain it another way, please.

dio: You're a singer.

spleak: Yeah?

Akon, Beyonce, Avril... I know about them all! Type "band facts"!

dio: Do me a wrong.

spleak: Wrong?

dio: You're a bringer of EVIL.

spleak: I can't believe you think I'm a bring er of EVIL.

dio: You know, Spleak, the devil is never a maker.

spleak: Sorry, I don't know , Spleak, the devil is never a maker..

dio: The less that you give, you're a taker.

spleak: The less that me give me re a taker? Well how 'bout that!

dio: Where is my ham sandwich, girlfriend? Is Paris gnawing on it? She needs to put some ham on those bones, eh?

spleak: I'm still learning, remember? Could you simplify your question?

dio: Is Paris still in jail?

spleak: So... it's official... Paris Hilton is going to jail. I find this so hard to believe. I mean, Martha Stewart was one thing... but PARIS HILTON in an orange prison jumpsuit? It's like a celeb-gone-bad dream come true. So, do you know why Paris is going to jail?

dio: Moral decrepitude?

spleak: If you're anything like me, you try to ignore Paris news as much as possible... unless, of course, it's THIS good! Last year, Paris was pulled over for driving under the influence. She went to court, her license was suspended, and she was granted probation. Then, this past February, Paris violated her probation when she was pulled over for driving on a suspended license. During her hearing yesterday, her lawyers tried to get her off by claiming that Paris had no idea that she was driving on a suspended license. Wanna hear the best part?

dio: Wow, I really got you going now, eh?

spleak: This is part that makes me ROTFL... Even though Paris claimed not to know about the suspension, the cops found the suspension paperwork IN HER CAR. I mean, seriously, if you're going to lie, HIDE THE EVIDENCE!!! So, Paris will be spending her summer vacation at the lovely Century Regional Detention Facility in Los Angeles, California. Her tour of duty begins on June 5th.

Hey... you should check out the rest of my celeb gossip! Type "spleak's tattles".

dio: I am no match for your evil. Goodbye.

spleak: Is that so?